no/title/availible/$#*//
by EvilSquirrel 2
Summary: What happens when the captain forgets the star date?


Picard: Captain's Log, Stardate...um...Stardate...oh hell! It's the one after yesterday! Captain's Log...did I say the Stardate? The crew appears to be losing it's...dammit!  
  
Blue Lettering: "///?@//"  
  
*on the bridge*  
  
Riker: this doesn't look like a bridge...  
  
Geordi: I think I'm an engineer...they build bridges, right?  
  
Data: this program has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down...this program has performed an illegal operation and must be shut down...*slower and deeper* this p-program has p-p-p-p-p-p-....  
  
Wesley: I have hands! Why aren't I running this place?  
  
Warf: Ar matey...thar be gold in these thar parts...  
  
Troy: *twitching on the ground* BANANAS! I SENSE...BANANAS!!!!!  
  
Ensign Random: We go together like Ramalamalama Kadingadadindadong...  
  
*in sick bay*  
  
Crusher: I'll give you ten seconds to hide and if I find you, I'll give you an old fashioned earth shot...  
  
Medical Officer: uh-oh...  
  
Crusher: one...two...threeeeeeeeee...  
  
Medical Officer: EEEEEP! *hides under Crusher's desk*   
  
Crusher: fourfivesixseveneightnineten! Ready or not, here I come!  
  
Random patient: I see dead people! *covers head with blanket*  
  
Crusher: where? I'll have to give them a shot too!  
  
*whistle thingie*  
  
Ensign Random: this is the bridge! We must sing an old earth folk song together...WE GO TOGETHER LIKE RAMALAMALAMA...  
  
*on board the Klingon Ship Ka'Put*  
  
Klingon Captain: Let's see just how formidable this Enterprise is...fire *zoom in* *pinky on mouth thing* 100 billion slugs!  
  
Klingon First officer: I question your decision! Now I will kill you! AAAAAAAAAAAAURGH! *lunges at Captain*   
  
Klingon Ensign: the Enterprise has opened hailing frequencies! Audio only!  
  
Audio: The eastern world...it is explodin'...violence flarin, bullets loadin'...  
  
*a sense of peace comes over the Klingon crew*  
  
Klingon Ensign: I...I feel...  
  
All on Klingon Ship: PEACE!  
  
*on board Romulan Ship Spiffierthanyou*  
  
Romulan Ensign (or their equivilent): Captain! There is a cloaked Klingon Vessel near the Enterprise! Shall we attack both?  
  
Romulan Commander: Hail them! See if we can attack together!  
  
Romulan Ensign: Hailing them...on screen!  
  
Klingon Crew: Imagine all the people...living liiiiiiiiiiiiiiife in peeeeeeeeeeeeace...  
  
Romulan Subcommander: CUT THE DAMNED SIGNAL!!!  
  
Romulan Ensign: Aye sir! *screams* It won't stop!   
  
Romulan Commander: *covers ears* TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF! My Wax ear tips are melting!  
  
Romulan Subcommander: Mine too!  
  
Romulan Crew: AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
*We see the Romulan Ship Explode*  
  
*on a Borg Cube*  
  
Borg: We will assimilate the Enterprise...resistance is Futile!   
*Borg all come out of their regenerators and start marching around the Cube singing like the green guards from Wizard of Oz* Oh-oh...E-oh-oh...  
  
*back on the Enterprise Bridge*  
  
Troy: Ready? OKAY!  
  
Riker: *that damn "Bring It On" Chant* I'm Sexy, I'm cute, I'm popular to boot!  
  
Enterprise Crew: I'm stylin', great hair, the boys all want to stare!  
  
*Borg appear on their screen*  
  
Crew: I'm wanted, I'm hot, I'm everything you're not!  
  
Borg on the view screen: *sniff* We are the Borg, and you have hurt our feelings! We are TOO hot! We are the Borg, and we want our ship painted like a Rubix cube so we can amuse ourselves when there is nobody left to assimilate!  
  
Crew: Don't hate us 'cause we're beautiful cause we don't like you either!  
  
Borg: THEY HATE US! *sob* we'll have to steal their popularity secrets! *buzzing sounds*   
  
Borg *singing*: whoa yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah... I think I did again...I made you believe we're more than just friends...*all Borg start to dance*  
  
Borg 1: like Oh My God! I like have my individuality like back!  
  
Borg 2: raaaaaaaaaad!  
  
*hailing stops*  
  
*in the Captain's room*  
  
Picard: Stardate 297.2!  
  
*the crew on the Enterprise returns back to normal*  
  
Data: Commander Riker, you might want to see this.  
  
Riker: What is it, Data?  
  
Data: if the sensors are correct, it seems we have given all the Borg their individuality back and made the wax tips of the Romulan's ears melt.  
  
Riker: How is this possible?  
  
Geordi: I'll run a diagnostic.  
  
Data: and commander!  
  
Riker: what?  
  
Data: the Klingon High Council hailed...they said "thanks for the groovy tunes, man."  
  
Riker: *hits comm. badge* Captain, please come to the bridge...you might want to see this.  
  
*Picard enters*  
  
Picard: what is it Number One?  
  
Riker: Data can explain it better than I can.  
  
Data: it appears the Klingon Culture has changed to one resembling San Francisco in the 1970's.   
  
Picard: *horrified* it's become a planet of hippies!  
  
Warf: Peace, man!  
  
Geordi: so withut trying we've solved all the problems of the galaxy.  
  
Picard: Take us out of here, Ensign Random. 3 Warps per hour.  
  
Riker: Sir?  
  
Picard: Engage!  
  
*the Enterprise crawls off the screen like a slug*  
  
THE END! 


End file.
